Wow! Why is that on some days, certain things happening would have little effect on your mental health, but on others, it can cripple you?
Here’s my example. I have decided not to perform in my Musical Theatre company’s latest production. I just needed a break from putting the stress onto myself and I haven’t regretted it.
My best friend has been away and has gone with some other friends. I always feel a bit left out when things like this happen, but am very aware that we couldn’t have done it anyway so I try not to feel left out.
I’m in a flare which can affect my mood, but I have rested and self-cared which normally helps
I’ve had my covid and flu booster jabs which can make me feel a bit off but usually not too bad.
Now put all of these together and my MH is in my boots. Even though I can be totally rational about it all, it has all just built up and become too much to deal with and I just want to curl up and … (I won’t, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts invading)
Just had to write this down and see if it help my x
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Published by rachellcuthbert
I am a fat, forty something, fibromyalgia warrior who is a wife, a mother to 3 incredible teenagers/young adults and 2 dogs. After having my children, I trained for 6 years to become a midwife, which was a dream of mine. 5 years into my job, I was working on the community, holding clinics, visiting pregnant women and new mums at their homes as well as helping women give birth. Stress was always part of my life as we were a busy family and I didnt realise how much it was affecting my health, also the stress from fear of being sued whilst working as a midwife and the stress from trying to give women all the care they needed whilst being understaffed, therefore feeling failure regularly. I became ill, diagnosed with; Fibromyalgia, vertigo, depression, anxiety, tempero mandibular jaw dysfunction, hypermobility, oesophagitis, migraines, gastric ulcer, premature menopause as well as dermatillomania and trichotillomania. After battling to get disability benefits (even though it was impossible to function as a standard human, let alone work!), i was finally given a pittance.
So, sat at home all day long, grieving about being taken away from a job that i had adored and worked so hard to achieve, staring at my increasingly messy and unclean house (couldnt stand for more than a minute, no strength to hold anything and exhausted and the slighted activity), watching mind numbing television, I decided to try to do something about it.
I refused to accept that this was my life from now on and I definitely refused to accept that I was to receive such an insulting benefit after working most of my adult life (other than to have my beautiful babies), so I looked at ways I could make money, that suited my irregular hours, days etc of work ability, but that could also make enough to allow me to tell the benefit people what exactly they could do with the pennies i received.
Initially, i taught myself to crochet and I am now able to make beautiful toys for babies, that are safe to use and beautiful to look at, but unfortunately, because of the pain i get in my fingers and wrists, it takes a long time to make and so was not suitable as a way of making money.
Then I started to make jewellery again (I made and sold bits and bobs as a teenager) and found my passion in doing this and also, that I was good.
My friend and I discussed my options and between us decided that we would both create handmade items to sell in an online boutique initially, then, if we were successful enough, a walk in boutique, with a big side room to hold workshops.
And this is where we currently are working towards, I have high hopes and ambition for my future now and it is helping me with a lot of my illnesses and symptoms.
I have found I am passionate about a lot of things, equality/feminism, environment, self sufficiency, herbalism, holistic health care and I want to share my research, ideas and achievements with you all.
Hopefully, I will achieve my dreams, and I would also love it, if, I can help some of you too. Loves xx
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